Fullmetal alchemist parody
by cutemonic fox
Summary: Roy think's he's a villian Hughes thinks he's a hero and Ed thinks he can fly!what kind of crap have they've been smoking funny FMA randomness ,warning might cause you to crack a few ribs and fall out of your chair
1. Chapter 1: Stupidness

**FMA PARODY**

**CHAPTER 1: STUPIDNESS**

Hughes jumps through a window "I am Fatherman!" he looks around his rivals office, "damnit! How am I'm suppose to make a heroic entrance when he's not here?" he whispered.

"Ha fatherman! I'm right here! Behind my stack of papers." says the mysterious person

Hughes turns around "there you are universe man a.k.a the flame! Or a.k.a Roy!"

"I guess you found my lair fatherman" smirked Roy

"I always knew your lair was 5 stories up from the outside. I just didn't feel like coming up, until now that is!"

"Now universe man you will do your paperwork or I'll..."

"You'll do what?"

"Script!" Hughes yelled

"You'll flash him with your daughters picture!" yells a voice.

"Oh that's what it was." Hughes whispered.

"OKAY! Action!" yells a voice.

"Or I'll flash you with my daughters pictures!" fatherman repeats.

"Dare you to try!" yells universe man

Universe manjumps on his desk and grabs some of his papers "come get some!" fatherman throws pictures near universe man but universe man dodged it sucessfuly "HA YOU MISSED!"

Universe man throws his papers all over fatherman, he hits the ground he sturggles to get up"it's..to-too strong...too...many...words...it's...too...sophisticated..for me to understand!" he stammered

"Now to finish you off!" yells universe man.

Universe man was interrupted by a small boy flapping his arms "I can fly! I can fly!" he yelled

Ed was this small boy, he jumped out the window "I can fly! I can fly!" But the small boy went straight down like a rock "I can die! I can die!"

"Noooooo! Ed!" screams universe man. He jumped down and hit the ground. He now had a dress on ,with makeup and high hill shoes, he bends down near Ed.

"Please tell my wife I love her"

"I will and I have something to tell you?"

"What?" asks Ed

"I saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to geico."

"Damnit!" says Ed "I'm still with my old car insurance plan"

"Thats ok you can't drive a car anyway" says Roy.

"Your right" says Ed. He closes his eyes.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO! damn you Micheal Jackson!" yells Roy.

* * *

I know it's stupid but I was bored if you want another chapter just ask 


	2. Chapter 2: Feminem Guy

**FMA PARODY**

**CHAPTER 2:FEMINEM GUY**

"Roy this doesn't feel right..being with you" says Ed.

"Yeah this doesn't feel right to me either I need to get in uniform" replies Roy.

"Uniform?"

"Yep" Roy leaves his office.

"I wonder what's he doing?" Ed whispered, as he started to paint his nails.

Roy spontaniously busted in the room "HEE! HEE! HEE!" he yelled.

"The Hell?" screams Ed

"Hello Edward I'm micheal Jackson now does feel right? Do you want a kiss? HOO! I'm known as a rape artist" (Billy Jean is not my lover) HEE! HEE! HEE!sung Roy.

Riza kicks the door down "COOKIES!" she sprints down the hallway.

Roy shoves his face into Ed's "you..ate..my..cream filling."

"What?" yells Ed.

"My ho ho's!" Roy throws his desk chair "Where's the cream filling?"

"I'm never appreciated, I'm so mad! I'm leaving this parody and not coming back until chapter three!" Ed screams.

"You know your not feminem enough" says Riza.

"Hey where you come from?" asks Roy.

"I came from any damn place I wanted too!" yells Riza.

_Sniff sniff _"Hey Riza. Your breath smells like rage." says Roy.

"Here takes these pills they should make you fe...I mean manly" Riza gives him the bottle filled of medicine capsuls.

He grabbed the bottle "it says estro...estrogen..hmmm..sounds manly to me!" he engulfed the whole bottle.

**FEW HOURS LATER**

"God my nipples fill tender" says Roy.

Riza asks "have you done your paper work Roy?"

"Yes. And how was your day Riza?"

"Really" says Riza "thats none of your damn business."

Roy starts to cry "All I did is care!" He runs away.

"What?" says Riza in confusion.

"Awww well better jump out the window for a quick and painful death" Riza jumps out the window.

* * *

I know this one's more stupid then the other one but and if any one's offended about the Micheal Jackson joke 


	3. Chapter 3:Cereal

**FMA PARODY**

**CHAPTER 3: CEREAL**

"Roy?" asks Ed while drinking some coffee.

"What?" replies Roy while drinking some water.

"Why do you never drink coffee? It gives you quick boost of energy during the day it wakes you up!" Ed rants.

Roy just keeps drinking his water, as he turns his head the other way.

"It it taste really good with some cream and sugar and-".

"It also stunts your growth" Roy interrupts.

_Splurgg! _"What?" Ed yells while trying to wipe the caffine off his face.

"Hey! You know what will be good right now Ed? Waffles!"

"I pefer cereal, maybe frosted flakes."

"Thereeeee Great!" yells a voice out of know where.

Ed turns around and see a big strippey figure over him _Splurrg! _he goes again. "The Hell? Toni the tiger!"

Roy stood up and pointed to the giant tiger "you promised you wouldn't come back! I told you loved another!"

Toni the tiger responded "We had a bond Roy! I remember when you used to cover me with vitamin D inriched milk! But now you cover me with skinned milk Roy! Skinned milk!"

"I'm sorry" says Roy, "but now I love wit-with CAPTAIN CRUNCH!"

Captian Crunch comes from behind Roy "Get away you then plated frosted freak! He's my bitch now!"

Captian Vrunch and Toni started to fight.

"What?" says Ed

"Who?" replies Roy

"Where?" (Ed)

"When?"(Roy)

"How?" (Ed)

"Why?" (Roy)

"Snoop." (Ed)

"Dogg." (Roy)

"Roger." (Roy)

"That."(Roy)

"Kit."(Ed)

"Kat."(Roy)

"Big." (Ed)

"Fat" (Roy)

Riza comes out of no where "french fries!"

Roy looks at Riza like she was crazy "see look what you did! Riza you just killed the whole joke you disgust me!You know what? " Roy walks away.

"You know what? what?" asks Ed, then a horrible smell comes out of knowhere and everybody starts to cough and die.

"ACK..DAMN! Whats that horrible smell?" Ed falls over "mom is that you? I see the light should I walk into it? damn you Diana Ross."

"Fren..ch fries" says Riza.

"Hehe yes die on my deadly fumes" says Roy "that people was a fart."

* * *

Sorry it wasn't as funny as the last but I hope you enjoy it though 


	4. Chapter 4:you people make up a title

**FMA PARODY **

**CHAPTER 4:YOU KNOW WHAT YOU PEOPLE MAKE UP A TITLE**

"Lieutant Hawkeye? What is the report on the homunculis promblem?"asks Roy, while walking down the hallway."Well sir there hasn't been-" Riza was interupted when Roy tackled her into a corner.

"What the hell?" yells Riza.

"Shhhhh!"

"Don't you shush me!" whispers Riza.

Roy covers her mouth until the dark figure goes pass them and keeps walking.

"Why are you trying to hide from that man?" asks Riza.

"I,m doing that to protect you! Do you even know who that is?"

"PROTECT ME? And no I don't know who that is".

"It's" he looked left and right, "Kobe Bryan.You know he always did like his women _young."_

Riza gets up "you know what? You juppacabra, I can protect myself" brushes off her shirt and a dark figure suddenly arrizes behind her "AAHH THE RAPIST!" yells Roy.

"I Love you all!"

"AAAAAGH! It's worst then Kobe Bryan it's-it's Barney!I told you giant purple pimple I older now!" yells Roy.

Barney Bitch slaps Royy so hard he fell on the ground, making a squeling noise onthe way down."Look here your ass you will start watching my show again! I don't care how old you are you will watch it!" he threatened.

Riza bends down to Roy "are you going to take that roy, you should fight back" she whispers.

"Yes! Yes I will!" Roy puts on his glove on ."You will not haunt me in this parody anymore!"_Snap! flare!._

"AAGGGHHH, MY GLOVE,MY GLOVE IT'S INSIDE OUT IT BURNS WITH THE GREAT INTENSITY OF A THOUSAND SUNS!" Roy starts to run around in a circle.

Edis sprintingdown the hallway "AGGHHH!"

"Why are you running Ed?" asks Riza.

"I DON'T KNOW!" replies Ed, he recedes in the closet, "now I,m trapped in the closet." (XD! R-Kelly!)

Inuyasha walks in"what the hell I,m not supposed to be here anyway." Then Kagoma comes in "Yea. What are we doing here anyway?" Riza spots Kagome, "YOU!"

"Shit! I thought you we're dead!" she starts to run."I don't die that easily now give me my money bitch!" Rizastarts to shoot at Kagoma.

"I'm not only going to kill you for the money! I'm also going to kill you for always acting like a damn wimp in almost every damn episode of Inuyasha! You always count on that damn dog to do everything! I'm also killing you for one more thing!"

"What!" yells Kagome

"I'm killing you for having black hair!"

"Roy has black hair too!"

"I know! But he is sexy! So he gets to live!" she starts to shoot.

"Well this parody sucked." says Inyuasha

* * *

XD! Couldn't help it! 


	5. Chapter 5: damn this is stupid

**FMA PARODY**

**CHAPTER 5: DAMN THIS IS STUPID**

Roy is sitting at his desk being lazy bum on crack "I got to take a (_bleep)" _roy looks around, "what the (_bleep)..._who ever is pressing that mother (_bleep_) button need's to stop!".

"Aww calm down sir, it's part of the new contract" says Riza, as she walks in the office "what contract, I haven't heard of such a document."

"Well she sighed, "since in the last parody that (_bleep) _kagoma said the "S" word in rated teen story, our cuss words have been limited. We can only say damn, ass, and bastard."

"So we can't say (_bleep),(bleep) _and _(bleep)?"_

"Yep we can't say _(bleep), (bleep),(bleep), (bleep) _or _(bleep)" _replies Riza.

"We can't even say _(bleep)?"_

"nope we can't say _(bleep)." R_iza said ,while shakin her head back and forth. "But the world can't go on if we can't say _(bleep)_", whines Colonel. "I,m sorry Colonel but the narrator suggested it."

"What? Your listening to a thirteen year old who still eats kids meals at I-HOP!"

"Sir I suggest you stop because-" Riza was interrupted when she saw Roy get struck by lighting out of knowhere.

"STOPPP, AW _(bleep) _I,m sorry! I believe! Please stop! I can't feel my metacarpals!"

The lighting stop but Roy's continues pain didn't. "Damn that girl has a short temper", Roy gets hit by lighting again."Dear god Roy..if you have something to say the say something-" Riza was interrupted (again), when Hughes bust in to the door"you know what would be good right now? stealing from poor people!".

Riza looks at Hughes in shock "do you have facial hair?"

"No those are just pencil markings, but they do look realistic the network thought it would make me look more manly, God I look sexy. "Hughes strikes a pose.

Hughes looks a Roy as he see's him get mauled by a dog "DEAR GOD! I SAID I WAS SORRY!"

"Uhh...why is Roy-"

"He said something bad about...the boss" interrupted Riza.

"Oh...damn he is stupid."

"He sure is, but roy got what he de-" riza was interrupted (again), by a voice "I will fight evil with my kindness hahahahahahah" Riza turns around. "What the _(bleep) _Goku!"

(Really fast) "Yes I am goku, the one only goku hahahahha watch me blow something up!EIYYYAAA! BOOMM!"Goku blows up the office. Riza kicks Goku between the legs "AHH!My dragon balls!".

Goku falls on the floor, "Listen you old ass nineteen-eighty limited animation looking ass needs to stop interrrupting me!" cocks gun, "you got that , I only appear on the anime rarely, so don't interrupt me!".

"Roy was right your breath does smell like rage" says Goku

Ed runs in the middle of the rubble "look I,m a fairy! Fear my fairyness!"Hejumps on a tree and jumps right off "look I,m a fair-". Ed's words were stopped when he hit the ground "look...I,m concrete!"

"The world? This parody is not making any sense!" screams Riza.

"Hey look Patrick! anime people" says a voice.

"Yeah Spongebob! I can feel there animated goodness" says another voice.

Roy got up "Spongebob, Patrick! what you guys doing here?"

"We came to see you of course" says Patrick "but before we go can I feel your sleeve?" \

"I guess so patrick."

Patrick starts to rub Roy's sleeve "Awww..it feels so real! can I have it?"

"Uh no.

"Spongebob comes up to Roy" I will see you tonight" Spongebob growls at Roy. " Spongebob I already told you I found somebody better"

"Who? M.C. Hammer? thats not what you said last saturday at your house!".

"You promise you wouldn't tell!" Roy starts to cry, then Hughes comes out of knowwhere and yells "I am fatherman!"

"Not right now hughes I,m not in the mood" Roy crys'"

Hughes turns into a bananana "Its peanut butter jelly time! Peanut butter jelly time! Peanut butter time! Peanut butter jelly time! Now where he at? Where he at? Where he at? Where he at? Now there he go! There he go! There he go! Peanut butter jelly! Peanut butter jelly! Peanut butter Jelly! Peanut butter jelly!"

Roy sobbed "I'm sorry its not working this time Huhges" he walked away.

Hughes continued "Its peanut butter jelly! Peanut butter jelly! Peanut butter jelly with baseball bat! Peanut butter jelly! Peanut butter jelly! Peanut butter jelly with a baseball bat!"

* * *

metacarpal-Any bone of the hand between the wrist and fingers 

I know this really dumb but I,m pretty sure you've read stupider hehe _zap! _

Roy: stop I already told you I was sorry!

me: I know... but I just couldn't pass it up!

Roy: Your so evil and so freakin short tempered

me: short tempered...instead of the dog mauling you I,m going to get Barney and let him rape you

Roy: NOO PLEASE!

me:ok then...but stay tuned for the next chapter! bye


	6. Chapter 6:cupcakesmurf

**FMA PARODY **

**CHAPTER 6: Cupcake/Smurf**

Roy and ed are walking in the woods looking for scar ,or at least find a clue of him.

"Okay fullmetal, give me the map"

"map?"

"Yes, I gave you a map to put in your compartment in your automail"

"Oh that, I got rid of that"

"WHAAT!"

"yea, if I didn'tget rid of it,I wouldn't have enough room for my cupcake!"

"cupcake?"

"Of, course". Ed opens his automail and takes out a cupcake with sprinkles and pink icing ,and he threw it in his mouth and swallowed it.

"What the hell, we needed that map to find our way, but your foolish ass is always so damn hungry, now how will you respond to that?". Ed fell on his knees and started to cry. Roy felt sorry for him and says "Well I guess I can forgive you for the error of your ways." Roy walks away "come one fullmetal"

Ed lifted up his head and whispers "I miss you cupcake"

"I,m snap"

"I,m crackle"

"I,m pop"

"What?" ed turned his head "Oh my god it's the rice krispies guys! You are my favorite cereal people"

"Thankyou" they say in unisin

"Because you people are the only people who are actually shorter than me!"

"...you suck anyway!"

"what?"

"You think its easy being a keebler elf, it's hard to find a freakin girlfriend at this height, we hate yo' show anyway!" they all storm away

"ummm"

* * *

Ed is sitting in the office with a blindfold 

"Umm Havoc, I know this is supposed to be a mystery date and all but do I need a blindfold?"

"Yea, but I promise the girl we got is really nice, and I promise your going to like her"

"Havoc!"

"Calm down I promise you'll like her, ok you can come in".

The girl sits down in a chair in front of ed "okay, she settled down ed ask her some questions"

"ok umm, whats your name"

"well my friends call me ginger"

"well you do sound kind of cute" says ed

"thankyou" she giggled

"what are you into?"

"well I like mushrooms, and I like the color blue"

"oh ok, Havoc can I tak eoff the blind fold now?"

"ok you can take it off ed" says Havoc

Ed slowly takes off his blind fold awaiting to see what this girl looked like "..."

"So whjat do you think Ed?"

"I,m going to freakin kill you Havoc, why are you trying to hook me up with one of the people from THE SMURFS?"

"Doyou know how hard it is to find a women shorter than you, and plus when I told other women you were 5,1 they turned it down so she was the only one."

"HAVOC!"

In a high pinch scream "AAAHHHHHHHH!" (Havoc)

* * *

Ed got hooked up with a smurf..heheh just say the next one will be better one word "Napoleon Dynamite" stayed tune 


	7. Chapter 7:hooperbloggin

**FMA PARODY**

**CHAPTER 7:HOOPERBLOGGIN**

"Riza look! look!" pestered Roy. Riza looked at Roy and annoyance and started to rub her stomach "Riza are you looking? ar-are you looking?" ,Roy started to duck behind the desk. Riza started to walk out the office "Wait Riza! Look wait! wai-wait look!"

"WHAT?"

Roy started to move his body up like a snake "I'm a geine in a bottle baby" he sung

"Yeah whatever...ow"

"Hey! Whats wrong?"

"My stomach hurts and I have a toothache"

"Really? Havoc!Fury! Breda! Falman! Get in here!"

They all run in there "what?"

"We can do it now!"

"Are you sure we're ready?" questions Fury

"Of course we're ready!" Havoc exclaimed.All the subordinates get in line "OK! READY GO!"

"Headache, stomach, diarreah, hey! Peptobismal!" they started to shake they ass at the end of diarreah "Headache, stomach, diarreah, hey! Peptobismal!"

"Oh! Oh! Oh!remix!" yells Roy

Fury jumps out of the line and he puts a microphone up to his mouth. "When I'm feeling lonely. Sad as I can be. All by myself on a uncharted island in an endless sea. What makes me happy? fills me up with glee! Those bones in my jaw that don't have a flaw my shiny teeth and me. My shiny teeth that twinkle just like the stars in space! My shiny that sparckle, adding beauty to my face! My shiny teeth that glisten just like a christmas tree!"

"You know they walk a mile just to see me smile!Woo!Shiny teeth and me!"

"Shiny teeth! Shiny teeth!" they sung in unisen

"Yes their all so perfect. So white and pearly fresh gargle rinse take afull breath mints for shiny teeth and me! My shiny teeth so awsome just like my favorite song! My shiny teeth I floss them so they'll grow up to be real strong! My shiny I love them and they all love me!"

"Ha!Aahaah!"

"Why should I talk to you when I got thirty-two? Woo! Shiny teeth and me!"

"Shiny teeth!Shiny teeth!"

(Background song)

"My shiny teeth that twinkle just like the stars in space! My shiny that sparckle, adding beauty to my face! My shiny teeth that glisten just like a christmas tree!"

"Aah!Aahaah

"You know they walk a mile just to see me smile! Woo! Shiny teeth me!

"Shiny teeth! Shiny teeth!"

"Shiny teeth and me"

"Shiny teeth!Shiny teeth"

"Ah shiny teeth me!"

Fury and the guys put there heads down after the song was done "WOOT! Bravo! Bravo! Homina! Homina!" praised Riza "That was good, but how does this help my problem?"

"Thats what makes it funny! It doesn't!" laughs Roy

"whatever, so how long have you've been working on this?"

"We've been working on this since Havoc stuck laxatives in your food!"

"You the one thats making my stomach hurt? I'll kill you!"

"Hey we should play charades!" suggested Havoc, he went to go get some brown hard back books from the shelve,tossed them all over himself and layed on the ground "ok...what am I?"

"A walrus" guest Riza.

"A brown crayon?" says Roy.

"God! No I'm a terd! Don't you know a terd when you see one?" Havoc jumps up and gets in Roy's face "Whats the matta which you? Your the worst charades player ever!"

"Hey!Stop yelling at Roy!" screamed Riza.

"Stop yelling at Havoc!" yelled Roy.

"Well stop yelling at me! For yelling at Havoc! For yelling at you!" she schreeched

"Well stop yelling at me! For yelling you! For yelling at Havoc! For yelling at me!" Roy yelled

"Well stop yelling at me! For yelling at you! For yelling at me! For yelling at Havoc! For yelling at you!" she screamed

"Hey! Stop yellling at Roy! For yelling at you! For yelling at him! For yelling at-- blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah!" continues Havoc.

"THATS IT!" yells Roy.

Roy attacks Havoc "Aggh bathroom!" screams Riza. running out the office to the bathroom. Falman, Breda andFury are standing there watching them fight "guess what?" saysFalman.

"What?" they both answered

"I can't open my eyes."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I blink and you don't even know it"

"Ok then blink"

"See I just blink"

"Are you serious? We didn't even see you!" they said

"But I did"

"Whoooaaaa" they bothsaid in amazment

"Hooperbloggin!" scream Hughes out of know where.

"Hooperbloggin?" they questioned.

"Yeah! Hooperbloggin it's the new word for the new foshizzle my hizzle"

"Are you serious? It's the new word down in the south shizzle?" says Fury.

"Foshizzle! foshizzle!" answers Hughes.

"Ok. Ok I'll gotell my folkizzles" says Fury.

"What did he say?" ask Breda

"No idea" Roy answered.

Riza bust into the room "Guess what?"

"What?" they all questioned.

"CHIHUAHUA!"

"Chihuahua?"

"Yeah!"

(To hear the chihuahua song go to my profile and click on chihuahau at the bottom)

"Guess what?" asks Havoc

"What?"

"Crack,diarreah, and bithches"

"Hehe...bithches" says all the guys

"WHAT?" screams Riza, she pulls out her gun and starts to shoot everywhere

"DEAR GOD! STOP HER!"

* * *

I know I promised Napoleon Dynamite but I promise the next one, he'll be there...MEAT PIES PLEASE! 


	8. Chapter 8: Idiots at Harmony

**FULLMETAL PARODY**

**CHAPTER 8: IDIOTS AT HARMONY**

Roy, Ed, Riza, Havoc, Al, and Fury were at a restaurant; compliment of Roy. "Wow Roy I can't believe your taking us all out to such an expensive eating place! How are you going to be able to pay for all are dinners'?" says Ed, as he orders his food.

"I'm not paying for nothing. You're paying for it".

"What?"

"Your heard me, your paying for every single morsel of food we eat".

"That's not fair!"

"So! Ray Charles turned blind and you think that was fair? I don't think so."

Everybody had took there order.

"Hey, Roy?"

"What full metal".

"I'm going out with Winry Friday, and I really don't know how to treat a woman. This is my first date and I want everything to be good. So how do you treat a female companion on a date?"

Roy laughed. "Ok watch in learn".

Ed shook his head.

Roy grabbed a wonderfully carved glass cup and threw it at a wall near the server. The women shrieked out of shock. "Where's my foo'?", the women looked at the scary man, while they nosed almost meet "your 'foo' s-si-sir?"

"You heard me bitch!" Roy flipped over the table they were sitting at "Where's my goddamn food!"

Havoc was sitting there raising his hands and sung "I want my na-a-chos, where are my na-a-chos?"

"Sir, we-we have oth-other people wh-who already or-order before you, and th-they still haven't got th-there food yet, so could you kindly-".

"Well ain't that a bitch! Listen I do not care who is waited for there food! I just know we've waited for eleven seconds, and that's one second to long", Roy walked over to the banister where they register your party to a table.

"Yo, where's my food? We've been waiting twenty seconds for our food!"

"I'm not your waiter, gosh!" the person turned there head to the side quickly.

"Listen Napoleon, the only reason your in this parody is because of m-," A giant ominous cloud comes out of know where and hovers over Roy. "The author! The only reason your in this parody is because of the author!" .the cloud disappears.

"Hey would you like an apple Roy?" Napoleon pulls out an apple.

"Yes I would like an apple Napoleon, would you like an apple Ed?"

"Yes I would like an apple Roy. Would you like an apple Riza?"

"Yes I would like an apple Ed. Would you like an apple Havoc?"

"Yes I would like an apple Riza. Would you like an apple Fury?"

"Yes I would like an apple Havoc. Would you like an apple Al?"

"I can't eat the apple Fury, but yes I would like an apple."

Then Napoleon pulls out a carrot "Would you like a carrot Roy?"

"Yes I would like a carrot. Would you like a carrot Ed?"

"Would you like an apple Riza?" says Ed.

"Would you like an apple Havoc?" says Riza.

"Would you like an apple Fury?" says Havoc.

"Would you like an apple Al?" asks Fury.

"I can't eat an apple Fury but I guess I can take an apple," says Al.

Napoleon pulls out an orange "would you like an orange Roy?"

"Yes I would like an apple Napoleon. Would you like an orange Ed?"

"Would you like a carrot Riza?"

"Would you like an apple Havoc?"

"Would you like an apple Fury?"

"Would you like an apple Al?"

"I can't eat for the last damn time! But yes I would like apple".

"Whoa Al! I guess somebody's getting a little rusty," laughs Ed.

"SHUTUP, DO YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL IN THIS BODY?"

"Umm an empty shell with no feelings in the great an abyss of your thoughts," says Ed.

"STOPYOUR JIBBER JABBIN FOOL!" yells Al.

"You know what? I have to' take a shit." says Riza.

"I do too" says Havoc. "Me too" says Fury. "ME THREE" yells Al.

Everybody looked at Al for a minute or two "umm Al you can't take shits that's a bodily function, something that a robot or machinery can't do" says Ed.

"Yes I CAN! I've been constipated for about 5 years or so.. I crap nuts and bolts!"

"Sure you can" Riza snickered

They all go to the bathroom, while Ed and Roy stayed at the table.

Napoleon walks up with some plates. "Here's your food you freaking idiots! Gosh, I'm not even in this show!"

"Thanks Napoleon!" says Ed.

"Fine! Vote for Pedro you retard!" Napoleon shook his head again and walked out.

"So you know what to do when you go out with Winry?" ask Roy.

"Yep! Treat her like dirt!".

"And?"

"O yeah! And like property!"

"And what do you always call her?" cooed Roy.

"A bitch!"

"That's my boy!" cried Roy.

Rose and Scar walk in. Rose is wearing a white beautiful dress with pink decorated flowers on them, and it is silky. Scar, on the other hand, was wearing a black suit and wearing shorts with the suit, and his knees were so rusty and black it was like a black oil stain. They both sat at a table; Rose had her baby with her.

"Hello Rose!" greeted Ed.

"Well it's nice to meet you," says Rose gleefully.

"Hello state alchemist" grimed Scar.

"It's nice to meet you too" gritted Ed.

Ed came close to Rose and smelled something wonderful streaming off her "Rose! What kind of perfume are you wearing? Its smells so good!"

"Oh White Diamond".

Ed looks at Scar's rusty black knees "Really? Well Scar's wearing **Black Rock**".

"I'm not afraid to blow yo ass off this story, go ahead! Keep working my nerves," threatened Scar.

Ed felt like peeving off Scar more so went further "your baby is so adorable! Ever find out who the father was?"

"Well uh, Ed I was raped remember?"

"Well that's YOU say," sneered Scar.

"What? Your saying I wanted to be raped?"

"No I'm just saying that if you wanted a child you should've asked!"

"What? I didn't do it on purpose!" screamed Rose.

"You could've gladly asked me and I could've gladly for filled your wishes, but noo you decided you wanted somebody else to toss your salad!"

"Listen! I didn't ask for this!"

"Shut up you door knob!" Scar slammed from the table "I'm not hungry anymore!"

"You're not leaving me here! Comeback!"

They both stop out the restaurant door yelling and screaming.

"Wow rusty knees got maaddd" mocks Ed.

"Don't worry they'll make up when they get home" says a voice.

"Wha? You said that?" screamed Roy.

"Nobody! I am just a gush a wind, whoosh whoosh"

"No your not" says Ed.

"I SAID I WAS A GUST OF WIND!" lightning strikes.

"Alright fine your gust of wind!" yells Ed.

"I don't like our narrator very much," sighs Roy. Roy hears a dog growling behind him "Shit! Not again! I don't want to be mauled!" starts to run.

Winry jumps into the scene " O this is my sorry for 2006 and I'm not sucking no mo d#ck!" She sung

"Winry?" ask Ed.

"Yes?"

"Bow down bitch".

"What?" Winry takes out her wrench "ATTACK, HOOPER HIMPIN MIKA LACKIN MORKE SMORK HIPER SMOCK!"

"What?"

"SHIKAKA!" runs after Ed.

"Ahhh! I have diarrhea!" screams.

* * *

Ummmm sorry for the Winry thing I made that up while I was writing it, I hope you like if you have ideas please share. On the other hand, if you have stupider Ideas than I will take those I hope you enjoyed this one! 


	9. Chapter 9: HOW LONG?

**FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST PARODY**

**CHAPTER 9: IT'S BEEN ALONG TIME SINCE I'VE UPDATED, NO SEROIUSLY.**

Ed was running around like a maniac screaming "She wants me!" because he used Roy's advice to treat Winry like crap and now she wanted to kill him. Roy, who looks like he hasn't slept in weeks, and Hughes walk in

"Is he on drugs or something?" Hughes had asked while painting his nails

"I don't know but what ever it is I want some." Roy yawned

"Here drink this" Hughes said, as he passed him a drink

"What is it?" Roy asked, as he looked down at the yellow liquid; it didn't smell too good.

"Something to wake you up" Hughes smirked.

"Ok" Roy shrugged not caring what it was.

"Bye!" Hughes had left.

It was about thirty minutes later and he was wide awake.

Roy was tapping his pen annoyingly on his desk, excited for no particular reason at all.

He looked at Riza and walked up to her "Riza, Riza, Riza, Riza, Riza" he continued, but was completely ignored.

"Baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, gravy, gravy, gravy, gravy, gravy, gravy, gravy, gr-"

"WHAT!?" she screamed.

"Hi!" Roy laughed girlishly and ran back to his desk.

She sighed and kept working.

A girl with four mechanical limbs and with a cybernetic eye and one reguraly blue eye, with red heair and blond highlights "Tomo armigoto mister roboto domo! Domo! ME LIKE PANCAKES!! ME LIKE MEOW MIX GIVE ME DIN DIN MEOW, MEOW, MEOW, MEOW!!!" she screamed

Roy and Riza looked at her "Well that was the hight point of my life" she sighed as she jumped out the window once more. There was along akward pause.

"Okayyy...Where's my Vagina, Riza?" Roy asked.

"What?" she asked in a serious tone.

"You know he was in my office yesterday, I had to lecture him"

"You mean Ed?" She asked.

"No! His name is Vagina! You will address him as such!"

"Damn fine!" Riza defended.

"I want my Vagina in here call him now!" Roy demanded. "Now! Now! Now! Now!" Roy whined, as he stopped in his feet on the ground.

Riza sighed "Ed will you come in here please?"

Ed slowly descended from the carpet "What is it?"

"Vagina you're here" Roy smiled "Now where's Tits?"

"Vagina!? What the he-What a minute what do you mean tits!? I hope your not talking about my brother!!" Ed screamed.

"If your thinking I preferred your brother as a boob than no, I just referred him as a part of the female body" Roy explained.

"You will not call him that!!" Ed yelled.

"How about anis?"

"Hell no! You will refer him as a bitch you got that!? I am not dealing with you SH-IT today! You already almost got me killed about disrespecting that hoe, now you're calling me and my bro sexual terms!? I-DON'T-THINK-SO!!"

"AHH! YOU'RE EVADING MY PERSONAL SPACE!!" Roy cried "Gerbils attack!" he order

Fury animals covered Ed's small body one by one Ed screamed in undeniably unbearable pain "CRAP! CRAP! MY BODY IS BEING ABUSED!! I NEED AN ADULT I NEED AN ADULT!" He screamed.

When the Gerbils were done they left leaving poor Ed twitching on the floor. "Hey, Hey Riza lets have sex on top of Ed like we used to do" Roy whispered.

"WE NEVER DID THAT!!" Riza screamed.

"Come on it'll be funny!!" Roy snickered at the fact of the stupid idea. Riza sighed "al right" They both took off there clothes and laid on top of Ed.

Ed slowly started to wake up feeling SOMETHING on his body "huh? What happened? Wha-AHH! AHH! AHHH!! GET THE FUCK OFF ME!! AHHHHHHH!! MY POOR EYES!! I'M JUST A CHILD!!" Ed cried. "NOTHING ABOUT THIS IS RIGHT!!!"

Havoc walked in the office "Hey chief I-"he looked at the horrifying scene in front of him "OH MY GOD, YES! HAVOC HELP ME PLEASE! SOMEHOW IN SOME WAY I'M BEING MOLESTED!!"

Havocs eyes narrowed "Uh-huh" he nodded his head and left, acting as if nothing was even happening.

"DAMN IT!!" Ed screamed

* * *

I know it was short I just been busy with some other things. Sorry. I'll make the other one longer as soon as I update and delete some of my older stories. No body cares about Roys Broken heart and the plot is good but not who it is being put upon. I hate it myself, honestly. I'm dissing on my own story. But I'm sorry for he long wait and also the sexual terms in this story sorry -- 


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